I received an e-mail from my father today because today is my 18th birthday. He recalled my past 18 years and especially talked about some misunderstanding between us when I was a teenager.
No wonder to say, my father is the best father in the whole world yet I didn’t think so when I was a little girl. My father is a math professor and thus I have such an impressive name. He believes that children should be taught well in their early age other wise they may develop bad habits that can be very difficult to be changed when they grow up. As a result, he has been very strict with me since I was a kid. I have spent almost every school holiday doing math exercise and preparing lessons which would be taught next semester since primary school. Most of my classmates thought I was extremely lucky to have such a father but this was not what I was thinking then.
At my early age, I was shy and could not concentrate very well. Sometimes I could not work out the problems so I tried my best to keep thinking about them for many times. However, I didn’t ask my father like:”Dad, I cannot work it out and can you help me?” or “This is my idea, do you think it can solve the problem?” I kept in silence and my father was standing by my side watching me. I felt very nervous and he felt very furious. He thought I had already worked out the answer but refused to tell him. He was nearly freaking out when the time passed by because he actually had a lot of stuff in the university to deal with. At the same time, I was freaking out as well because I was not sure whether my answer was the correct one and I was too shy to ask for help. Finally, my father lost his patience and scolded me loudly. I could not help my tears falling down. As a result, the more times he scolded me, the more scared I was and he got angry more frequently. It eventually went into a vicious circle. We both failed to tell our true feelings to each other but we both had good motivations: My father wanted to help me on my studies and I didn’t want to disappoint him.
What would you do if you were at my age and in my situation? What would you have done to build an effective communication with your father?
Hi Cosine!
ReplyDeleteThis is a nice story about fatherly love! My dad is a lecturer too so I understand the stress that you were put through when young.
I used to hate my father for torturing with lots of homework when I was younger. Now, as I grow older and more mature, I start to appreciate what he had done for me as I start to see things from his perspective.
I believe that all parents drill their children hard as they want them to have a better future then they had.
Try to split your ideas into more paragraphs as you write. This will help to make the intended messages you have for your audiences clearer. =D
See you around in class!
Thanks you very much for your advice and I think the second paragraph is indeed a little long.:)
ReplyDeleteHey Cosine!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was young, i often wonder why my dad scolded me often as well (my dad is a very strict person).
But now, i also understand that all that he has done is because he loves me. and I'm sure that's the same for your father!
Thanks for sharing this with us. I can feel the love oozing out. hehehe...
See you around! =)
Hey Cosine, thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteLike most dads, they would want to instil this 'delay gratification' mindset in their children, and they will always say things like, "one day, you will understand".
Perhaps both of you are not empathic enough, which results in the unnecessary conflicts over the years. Don't worry, most teenagers have this problem and they often cite it the cause as 'the generation gap'.
Hi Cosine
ReplyDeleteGlad that the two of you have cleared the miscommunication.
I think, in your case, you have demostrated empathy by understanding your dad's motivation.
So, what is inhibiting an effective communication is probably communication skills.
From you post, I could tell that you were afraid to talk to your dad when he was angry. Hence, my two suggestions for you are talk to him afterward when he is not angry and you are not afraid, or write him an letter to tell him your real thoughts.
Nan
This is a well described scenario, Cosine, one that is easy to understand. It is clear, concise, and seemingly complete, with lots of concrete details, including the dialogue.
ReplyDeleteYou also pose a question at the end for the reader to respond to.
There are just a few language issues to discuss.
a) I was shy and not very concentrated. >>> ???
b) He thought I have already worked out.... >>> ???
c) What would you do if you were at my age and in my situation? >>> What would you have done if you were at my age and in my situation?
Thanks for sharing this poignant, personal story!